She’s Not A “Pick Me”, You Just Can’t Compete

She’s Not A “Pick Me”, You Just Can’t Compete

“I must warn you there is a soft juju at work in between my thighs”

Upile Chisala

A pick me is described as, “A woman who claims or acts as if she is unlike most other women, in order to gain attention from men”.

Urban Dictionary defines a “pick me” as a woman, “who goes out of their way to impress boys and make them seem that they’re “not like other girls” kind of like a simp but for girls”.

Women are just as competitive if not more competitive than men. Especially when it comes to attracting a mate. Women claim to be all about sisterhood, girl power, and women’s empowerment, but beneath the surface is an unending secret comparison and desire to be the best. And this is not necessarily wrong. But the way in which it manifests could be problematic.

It’s a jungle out there! There are some damn good black men and they have their pick of the litter. An alpha male with a healthy masculine essence can have any woman he chooses. And a smart, feminine woman knows this. So what does she do? She positions herself to be chosen. And by being chosen she ensures she will be provided for and protected. How is this done? She distinguishes herself from average, mediocre women.

80% of Black women are overweight and/or obese and suffer from various chronic and womb diseases and illnesses. The “pick me” honors her body and works to maintain her physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and energetic health.

An overwhelming majority of Black women adhere to white feminist ideology and exert masculine energy in their interactions with Black men. The “pick me” embraces her innate feminine essence, rejects feminist thought and respects the masculine.

A truly masculine man demands respect, loyalty, admiration and nurturing. The “pick me” uses her feminine power to meet his needs through submission. Most black women walk around saying what they won’t do and subsequently make lists of their requirements, demands, non-negotiables, and deal breakers. They are unrealistic in their expectations and inaccurately assess their value (worth and value are different). The “pick me” is self-aware, self-introspective and always striving to heal any past trauma and pain. The “pick me” has no need to announce what she will and will not tolerate. She knows that the healed part of her will attract the right man.

The women who complain about “pick me” women simply can’t compete. And instead of doing what they need to do to better themselves, they criticize a woman who is doing everything she can to get a man so she can have the covering, protection and provision that a man provides.

The women who complain about “pick me” women want those women to stop taking care of their bodies, stop healing, stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop praising the Black man, and stop trying to be the best she can be. The women who complain about pick me women want the playing field leveled. They want it dumbed down instead of them leveling up. They want everyone to get a trophy, regardless of ranking. But that’s not how the world works. You have to do the work to get ahead.

I’m reminded of the song Mascara by Jazmine Sullivan. She sings:

Don’t I deserve to be privileged?
Don’t I deserve to get the very best?
‘Cause it ain’t easy being this fine all the time
‘Cause if it was, then we all could do it
But we can’t now no
So bitch don’t kill my vibe, don’t be
Mad cause you coach class and I’m in that G5
Beautiful girls run the whole world
So I got to stay on!So I never leave the house without make-up on
I keep mascara in my pocket if I’m running to the market
‘Cause you never know who’s watching you
So I got to stay on, I got to stay on
I got to stay on, I got to stay on
Said I got to stay on!

Sis, she’s not a “pick me”, you just can’t compete with her.


Kathleen Nicole

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