“We emotionally manipulated each other until we thought it was love”Warsan Shire
He got that Big Dick energy. He is charming and confident. He works hard, dresses well and takes care of his body. And please, let’s not mention that beard. And Lawd, don’t let him have a little gray in it. He knows how to hold a conversation, compliment you and make you laugh. He gives off just the right amount of strength mixed with a subtle gentleness. He puts you at ease and you feel a comfort in his presence that assures you, you’ve known this man before. And if you didn’t know him before, you sure as hell will know him now. Unconsciously, you have planned your whole life with him. You can feel the happiness and security that awaits you. Your heart? Nah, this nigga made your pussy skip a beat. Why bother wearing panties, they are coming off as soon as possible, but without sacrificing your feigned piousness of course. Damn, he got to be the one. The one who will meet your needs, be your safety net, and your knight in shining armor.
But life has taught you, that you must peel back the layers and see beyond what meets the eye. You must see who this man really is. Not just the image and persona he presents to the world. Not the man he has carefully and strategically crafted and created in his own mind and projects to others.
Of course, he is fine as fuck, and he is no doubt going to blow your back out, but you need to see his heart. You need to take an intuitive journey into the recesses of his subconscious and see what he has kept hidden from the outside world. Don’t become blinded by the stubborn complexity of the life he’s built to protect his ego, image, and his pride. Don’t be fooled, he is a little boy who never grew up. A boy pretending to be a man.
You must listen when he talks about his upbringing and pay remarkably close attention to learn the intricacies of the important childhood relationships he has had. Was he nurtured? Was he loved, cared for, and protected? Was he allowed to freedom to grow into the man he needed to be? Who was he to his mother? Was he a stand in husband? Was he her King, her everything and were the lines blurred between mother and son, husband and wife? Or was it the opposite? Be wary of men raised by single mothers. More often than not, these women were toxic as fuck, and you will find yourself falling in the deepest of love with a boy pretending to be a man.
Does he take full responsibility for his life? Or does he make excuses and refuses to hold himself accountable? Is he quick to point the finger and throw stones from his glass house? Does he have any addictions? Is he negative and constantly complaining? I must warn you; he is only going to be as good as his worst habit. Does he use women for sex, money, or to boost his ego? Is he easily triggered, prone to bouts of anger and frustration? Does he lack emotional stability and maturity? Will he throw a temper tantrum like a child when he doesn’t get his way? If so, understand you are entertaining a boy pretending to be a man.
Don’t play yourself. Don’t place unfair expectations on this boy pretending to be man. That list you wrote with all the qualities you desire? Throw it away. He will never live up to that standard. You must accept that he never grew up. He cannot give you what he doesn’t have. He is broken, unhealed, and silently suffering. Have compassion for this boy pretending to be a man. Understand he can never be your man because he isn’t his own man. He will always be a little boy. Until he decides he is ready to BE the man he pretends to be. The choice is yours. We must make our decisions and live with them. But I’ll tell you this, it’s hard raising a boy who doesn’t know he is a boy pretending to be a man.