Our Love is a War

Our Love is a War

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up”

James Baldwin

“It’s going to be hard”. That is what my deceased great grandfather, my closest spirit guide told me when I met this fine ass 6 foot 3 inches, bearded, tatted, muscled, baritone voiced man who seemingly walked into my life out of no where. My great grandfather didn’t tell me to leave, but he didn’t tell me to stay either. He simply said, “it’s going to be hard”. And he didn’t lie. This is the hardest relationship I have been in, and it was difficult from the very beginning.

An energy reading confirmed what I already knew to be true. I had known this man, loved this man, and shared my body, spirit, soul, and life with this man in another life. Only, it wasn’t just one prior life. It had been 5 lifetimes, spanning 1,000 years. For 1,000 years we have transitioned from one life to the next, always in search of and finding one another, to give our love another try. And this life was no different. There were unresolved issues, past hurts and deep betrayals. We were both looking for that which we had never been able to experience with one another before; a peaceful and soul satiating love.

We were both too smart and too old for any relationship drama bullshit. But we couldn’t get it together. No matter how much we both wanted to leave the relationship we couldn’t. To tell the truth, it would have been easier to call it quits and go be with someone else. But there were forces and energies at play that far exceeded our desire for an easy love. There were unfulfilled soul contracts that had to be satisfied, and past promises that had to be kept. To add insult to injury, every interaction was intoxicatingly soul stirring. This ensured our bond would never be severed.

He would leave, block me, and determine within himself that he had to be done with me. But he said his spirit wouldn’t let him. He was vexed without me.

I would get readings done and they would predict that things wouldn’t get any better. I didn’t leave, but I was confused and unsure.

Still, we held on. Because This love, Our Love is a battle. This love, Our Love is a war. He prayed to Jehovah. Jehovah told him that it was his will that we be together. I sought the counsel of my ancestors. Should I leave? Do I need to be done? I knew they would never steer me wrong. They only said, “the choice is yours. We support you, whatever you decide”. That’s when I knew this was deeper than deep. My ancestors have removed everyone from my life that meant me harm. But here this man, the one true love of ALL my lives remains.

This love, Our Love is a growing up. We reached an impasse. He stopped leaving. I stopped being unsure. We made a decision. On the battlefield of our love in the midst of our karmic war. Individually and collectively. He, with Jehovah. Me, with my spirit guides and then he and I together. We decided that we were going to see this through. That we would finally, once and for all be happy, together. It’s been 1,000 years. It’s time.

One of the songs he chose as our relationship theme song is Sade, Bullet Proof Soul:

I know the end before the story’s been told

It’s not that complicated

But you’re going to need a bulletproof soul

I’m grateful that we’ve been gifted with bulletproof souls because what we’ve been through, what we go through as a couple is daunting. It’s not about cheating and lying. There is a deep karmic hurt that needs to be healed. There are triggers that need to be deactivated, trust that needs to be restored and soul fragments that need to be made whole.

No one truly understands us but us. This is not a normal, Erykah Badu 🎶I guess I’ll see you next lifetime 🎶romance. We’ve been husband and wife, mother and son, and father and daughter in previous lives. I’ve cried at the feet of his lynched body in a prior life. He held me as he watched the breath and blood leave my bludgeoned head in a prior life. He’s left me to go off and be a cowboy in a prior life and I abandoned him as my son in a prior life.

Cheryl Strayed said, “The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of love”, and that’s what we’re here to do, “tackle the motherfucking shit out of love”. Because Our love is a war.


Kathleen Nicole

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