Toxic Single Mothers & The Boys They Raise Who Never Become Men

Toxic Single Mothers & The Boys They Raise Who Never Become Men

“Some people play victims of crimes they committed”

This is a topic that many don’t want to discuss because most don’t want to admit it. There are many, many single mothers who are toxic, narcissistic and abusive. And they raise boys who never become men. They raise boys who grow up to be emotionally unstable, angry, unable to commit, and have an innate distrust and disrespect for women. In the Black community we tend to praise and even put single black mothers on a pedestal for doing it all. But let’s be honest, many single mothers fail their boys.

My father always told me to watch how a man talks about and treats his mother. That if I paid close enough attention, I would learn everything I needed to know about a man. He was right. A lot of men have very complicated, complex relationships with their mother. While many men will not openly admit he has little to no respect for his mother, many indeed have no respect for the woman who raised him. If you learn to ask the right questions and listen, you will learn if the man you are dating was raised by a toxic single mother.

Toxic single mothers are physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. They project their grief onto their sons which stunts their masculine growth. Their boys become the scapegoat, forced to carry the pain, hurt and rejection they refuse to acknowledge or heal from. They are angry at the world for not being loved all the way through by the men they let inside their hearts, homes and wombs. They are frustrated that they have been left alone. That rejection stares them in the face every time they look at their child. They may beat him, verbally abuse him, tell him he’ll never be anything, emotionally neglect him, and withhold the nurture and emotional support every boy needs from his mother to learn the power of the feminine essence.

Because the toxic single mother is so hurt, she rejects her feminine essence and becomes more masculine. This completely confuses her son and he grows up not understanding the proper relationship dynamics and takes his cues from wherever he can outside of the home.

Over the years, I have known (both romantically and platonically) many men who were raised by toxic single mothers. They are emotionally immature, emotionally unstable, insecure, angry and ultimately unable to fully embrace their masculine essence. They are unable to form healthy, loving relationships with women and may jump from woman to woman or completely shut himself off from love. We are quick to castigate men for their behavior but if you pull back the curtain, you will see a toxic single mother who damaged her son with her own pain.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a man raised by a toxic single mother, this article on my blog is a must read, Little Boys Who Pretend to Be Men


Kathleen Nicole

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