Love or Loyalty? Which Would You Choose…

“Simple truths are often the most necessary ones”

J. California Cooper

I realize that I have many assumptions about many things but lack a true foundational knowledge about these “things”. I blame society. Society lauds its members for looking the part, sound biting the part and trending the part. We are celebrated for giving the impression of success, intelligence and beauty and they provide us with all the tools to do so; filters, social media, makeup, and designer luxury brands.

For the brave souls who listen to the aching of their souls prodding them to go deeper, we understand that we don’t have a fucking clue. And we are provided with the opportunity to shed the facades and go back to square one to unlearn and relearn everything.

I’ve had to do this with love and loyalty. Because OMG everyone talks about love and loyalty, but do we even know what it is or better yet, how to embody love and loyalty for ourselves and others? I started by simply googling the definition of love and loyalty.


Love is defined as in intense feeling of deep affection. Affection is defined as a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. I don’t like this definition. It seems so basic and blah. Yet it makes perfect sense, because when people scream, “I love you”, this is exactly what they mean. And when people say they love themselves, this what they mean.  A basic intense feeling of fondness and liking. It is important to note that the definition does not say how long this feeling will last. It can come and go. Furthermore, what are the conditions for the fondness or deep affection? What does one have to do to receive that affection and fondness? And lastly, in what actions and habits is it manifested? Now the Bible defines love with more depth and meaning and I do like the Christian God’s definition of love a bit more. But again, how is this love manifested in our lives?


Loyalty is defined as giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution. The synonyms for loyal are faithful, true, constant, steadfast, unfailing, unwavering, and devoted. Now this is more concrete. But can you be loyal to someone and not love them? Yes. Can you love someone and not be loyal to them? Yes.

Love is subjective, with each person defining for themselves what love is, who is worthy of it, and how long it can last. Loyalty is more objective. While you can decide who is worthy of it, it is not as fleeting as love. Loyalty appears to be stronger than love.

I still haven’t quite figured it out. Love vs Loyalty. But when someone says they love me, I now have a framework to assess their love and what It means for my life and vice versa. When I say I love someone, I need to understand exactly what I mean by love.

Loyalty appeals to me much more right now. I rather have loyalty than love. What would you choose?


Kathleen Nicole

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